Everything you do to make clients hate you: an introduction
Read this if you’re interested in improving your communication skills with clients.
Talk to me! That is what hello means, right?
This article speaks to new associates/graduates starting off their careers in a professional services firm. It would also be of interest to new graduates interested in performing generally, as the lessons are more human centred than domain specific.
My experience consists of 3.5 years working in KPMG. 2 years working in a management role in a start-up and my experience as a sports psychologist, having returned to University to qualify as one.
The 3 main points I address in the blog post are:
Feeling out of your depth
How to deal with clients face to face
2 phone and email principles to live by
Why should you read this post? The aim is to equip you with the skills to deal with timeless self-doubt and common issues dealing with clients as a new employee.
I am planning to publish content aimed at more senior staff over the next few weeks.
I hope you enjoy.
PMC
Feeling out of your depth
The most commonly experienced phenomenon amongst new joiners. And it’s because the learning curve is steep.
You know absolutely nothing and you’re plunged into the deep end.
And all of a sudden you’re sitting there with doubts.
“I really don’t understand what was just explained to me and now I have to go and speak to someone about it”
This feeling is called imposter syndrome. It is an experience of doubting your skills, talents or accomplishments and you’re concerned of being exposed as a fraud.
I distinctly remember my first experience of this in work.
I was so consumed by my concerns of being found out that I blocked out everything else to allow me focus 100% of my attention on sounding competent. And do you know what happens when you’re attention is focused solely on one area? You forget basic principles that you already knew to be true.
(Tangent: Do you ever take out your phone to google something, and see another notification that grabs your attention briefly and all of a sudden you’ve forgotten what you wanted to google? Imposter syndrome is like a whats app notification on steriods. It basically grabs your attention and holds it. Your sole focus is to avoid being considered a fraud. And it causes you to forget everything else in that moment. The basics that got you to where you are. This is how my first (painful) experience went:
Senior staff:
We need [incredibly complicated request] so go and ask the client about it, please?
Me: *Writes it down on a sticky note*
Senior:
Do you understand what you’re asking?
Me: (Internal dialogue: Do I look like I do?)
Yeah.
I begin the long walk across the clients building in search of their office. Secretly, I was hoping the client wasn’t at their desk. I don’t even know what this person looks like. They’re there, I think. It’s hard to see into the office. I knock.
Silence.
15 seconds later (enough for it to be very awkward for me/hilarious for a bystander watching on).
Client:
Hello?
Me:
Hi, I just have a quick question for you.
Client:
Ok.
Me: ask the question word for word, reading off the sticky note.
Client:
I’m not 100% sure what you’re asking for. Do you want me to send [insert incredibly niche excel file name]? Or is it to do with [Insert language I have never heard of before]?
Me: (Internal dialogue - How have I gotten myself into this situation? I should have just called in sick)
I’ll have to come back to you on that if it’s ok?
Client:
Yeah, fine. By the way, who are you?
Me:
Oh, I’m with [Insert company name here]. And my name is Patrick.
I didn’t even introduce myself? Wow.
I went back to the audit room and the senior asks:
So, what did they say?
I repeated exactly what the client said. The response wasn’t warm.
Senior:
Ok, that doesn’t make sense. Are you sure that’s what they said?
Me: (Internal dialogue - I’m definitely found out now).
Yeah?
Senior
Ok, go back now and say this.
Me: (Internal dialogue - oh wow. I’ve just left Mordor but now I’ve to go back?)
Me: *walks back over to the client’s office
Hi, can I ask you a question?
Client:
Yeah, ok.
Me: *repeats exactly what the senior said.
Client:
To be honest, I’m a bit confused. I already sent [insert generic file name] to [the senior]. Do you want me to rerun it and send it to you with slightly different parameters? It’ll take me about an hour so let’s be sure it’s the right one.
Me: (Internal dialogue: I wonder do they publicly announce that I’ve been fired for incompetence in the monthly newsletter?)
Yeah, it’s the right one so if you wouldn’t mind running it it would be great.
Client:
Ok, no problem.
I walk back to the room.
Senior:
What did they say?
Me: *Repeats what the client said
Senior:
I don’t think that’s right but I need you to deal with it. You’ll be able to figure it out, won’t you?
Me: (Internal dialogue: Sure why not, I’ll be fired on Friday, anyway)
Yeah, no problem.
And on and on it went. This represents the 4 areas I think you could be in at any time with a client.
For a week I butchered my relationship with the client. Asking questions I didn’t understand. Asking them if I could come back after clarifying what I was looking for. Wasting their time requesting items that took a lot of their time and didn’t solve our problems. I slowly moved from the green areas in this graph firmly to the bottom right “avoid at all costs trenches”.
The following week when we had left their premises, I would send emails and receive no response.
I would call and they would tell me to call back the next day. It wasn’t ideal. The bridges were smouldering away.
In hindsight, imposter syndrome loaded the gun and I pulled the trigger. I could easily say the senior wasn’t a great help and they weren’t but then again they’re not a performance psychologist.
How does imposter syndrome actually work?
It’s all about its impact on your attention. Your working memory, and attention are operated by the same decision making system in your brain (called the working memory capacity system) which has limited capacity. If something grabs your attention, it can briefly wipe your memory.
If you’re trying to give your 100% attention to one area, you’ll most likely forget other ones in the short term. It explains why notifications on your phone make you forget why you opened your phone in the first place. The notification takes all your attention and then you forget what your original thought was..
The skill of controlling (and directing) your attention in a psychological skill called attentional control.
(Tangent: A more common description of attentional control is mindfulness. This always confused me. A common practice to improve mindfulness (or improve the skill of attentional control) is through meditation. It’s the equivalent of running to get fitter. You’ll often notice athletes or musicians meditating before their shows. It helps them to improve their attention and control it.)
Suggestions on how to combat imposter syndrome:
Firstly, I’ll outline a 3 step process to follow and I’ll follow that with specific advice in the next section of the blog on how to deal with clients face to face.
1) Accept that it’s very common and likely to occur
2) Identify when it tends to happen to you
3) Create personal strategies to deal with it.
Specific advice:
Step 1: Understanding the concept of what you’re trying to achieve rather than a specific task
The best way to achieve this is to explain in your own words what you’re trying to achieve before you go and ask a client. Being able to understand the fundamentals will give you confidence to discuss a topic with a client if the language changes.
Step 2: Never forget basic principles
Introducing yourself
Asking them how they are
Asking if they have time to speak to you
Step 3: Avoid common fake news advice handed out that I dispel in the next sections
Knowing you’ll experience this is 90% of the battle. There’s a saying in sports psychology and it’s proactive vs reactive. Reactive can be so damaging because you’re trying to make decisions under pressure. At least with reactive, you can make plans prior to being under pressure and it should just be a case of execution.
How to deal with clients face to face
Conventional advice:
“They’re working for us. They have to help us. Just go and tell them to do it.”
Such bad advice. Why?
Because it reflects someone without any interpersonal awareness or skills.
As I became more senior, I saw this more and more. I always thought about it. Seniors would set junior members up to crash and burn with clients.
I wondered why it mattered that I said hello or took the time to ask someone how they were.
Over time clients I was put in an awkward position where clients and senior staff would ring me instead of my managers.
I had ideas why but I really understood it when I studied motivation.
A massive part of motivation is the feeling of being in control. When you feel in control of a situation, or at least that you have some part to play in the outcome, your motivation is increased. The opposite is also true. When you feel no control, you’ll begin to lose motivation.
My aim (without even being aware of it) was to create a team context rather than a dictatorship. You don’t want to use language that says “you work for me”. You want it to say “I need your help, can we work together on this?”.
Same destination, different routes.
How do you do that? Let’s rewrite a conversation I would have had based on the situation outlined above:
Senior staff:
We need [incredibly complicated request] so go and ask the client about it, please?
Me: *Writes it down on a sticky note*
Senior:
Do you understand what you’re asking?
Me: (Internal dialogue: Do I look like I do?)
Yeah.
I begin the long walk across the clients building in search of their office. Secretly, I was hoping the client wasn’t at their desk. I don’t even know what this person looks like. They’re there, I think. It’s hard to see into the office. I knock.
Silence.
15 seconds later (enough for it to be very awkward for me/hilarious for a bystander watching on).
Client:
Hello?
Me:
Hi, I’m Patrick and I’m with [Insert company name}. Do you have 2 minutes free for me to ask you a question?
Client has a decision to make.
Decision 1: I couldn’t be dealing with this mortal right now. Leading to:
I’m actually quite busy right now. Could you come back after lunch?
Me: (Internal dialogue: Oh fuck, I’m after disturbing this person now.)
Yes, what time suits you?
A great follow up here. So many people say yeah and arrive on at a random time that afternoon where this cycle can repeat itself. By asking them to dictate the time, they’re in control and ultimately have the responsibility/motivation to be there.
The alternative:
Client:
Yes, I have a few minutes free.
Me:
Great, thanks. This is my first day on this job so apologies if I’m missing some context but I’ve been asked to look into [asks question word for word what the senior said, reading off the sticky note]
Here I set the expectation of potentially not being aware of all of the information they may expect me to know. This to me is crucial. So many people go over and ask questions as the expert. You’re not the expert, (if you were you wouldn’t be asking the question). It’s so strange that I include that point. It’s so common. I listen to people ask what I call “demanding questions”. It causes such friction when you speak to a client in a derogatory tone, irregardless if it’s intentional or not.
Client:
I’m not 100% sure what you’re asking for but just to offer you some context [insert incredibly niche explanation] here.
Me:
Ok great, I’ll just write that down. Sorry, I’m not sure and I don’t want to waste your time. Do you mind if I ask my boss now and I’ll come back to you this afternoon with a better idea of what we need?
Client:
Yes, no problem.
You might read this and think “you’ve lost your mind” because it seems so obvious.
But for as obvious as it may seem it’s equally uncommon.
The similarity to the butchered story is striking. The subtle changes are so big over time it scares me. I watched 80% of my colleagues destory relationships and they all followed the exact same roadmap.
Key summary points: Needs to be a graph
I introduced myself and asked if they had time. They decided if they did or not. (Motivation increase due to feeling in control).
I offered the context that it’s my first day on this particular job and that I essentially need their help. (I’m not demanding. This isn’t a “I’m the expert, do what I say” situation. It’s a “I need your help situation”).
I didn’t ask them to do something I wasn’t sure that I needed, instead I showed I wasn’t there to waste their time.
Inevitably, if you need help from a client, you always want to be motivating them to do it. That isn’t some sneaky psychological trick. It’s showing an understanding of the role language and psychology can play in a simple scenario.
It just makes it a lot more pleasant on both sides.
Research shows when people feel in control of a situation, or that they have a say in it, they’re far happier. Why would you not want this?
They’re happier dealing with you. You get help from an expert. It’s a win win. I’ll never understand the opposite. Where people are openly rude or bossy. It’s just hard to understand.
2 phone and email principles to live by
Principle 1: Phone calls are almost always better than emails, except for a few niche situations.
The pettiness of the corporate world often says:
“Send an email, we’ll have proof they delayed the project”
This advice is terrible for two reasons. Firstly, the purpose of contacting a client is to get information from them, not to create this weird game. Secondly, emails can so easily be misinterpreted because of a lack of context and tone of voice.
Key takeaways:
Ring people if you can. Even if you’re following up with an email, ring them to say “Hi, I just put together an email of things I may need, is it ok to send it through?”
These subtle phone calls are the difference between the client liking you and feeling in control of the situation and thinking you’re a devil who tells them what to do in long confusing emails.
Caveat
Use email if you need to request something complicated.
Principle 2: Don’t write crazy emails.
Example:
First of all, kind regards has a lowercase “r” (pet peeve). Second of all, it just stinks of unprofessionalism. Let me rewrite it.
Key points summarised in one graph:
This is everything I wanted you to take away from reading this article. I hope you got something from it. One last thing.
The next time you’re doing someone a favour. Would you think of me?
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